Tag Archives: Veganism

The theme is: Vegan

11 Nov

I was having a conversation recently with this girl I’m friends with In Real Life. About being vegans.

Just a couple of vegans (kinda) talking about being vegans.

I’ve thought about this and I don’t think that vegans talk especially extensively about being vegan as humans generally just talk about food a lot. But since being vegan has become so polarized lately, those that fall on the less than favorable reception of vegans notice all the self glorifying talk of greens and sacrifice and martyrdom because they just don’t like the idea of anyone eluding that they are wrong in one of their most basic, most personal choices they can make as humans:

What they eat.

Which is understandable.

And funny because then vegans walk around being all “why is everyone so mean to me” but really it’s because by being vegan you are inadvertently making a statement about the “other”  people who aren’t making such an obvious choice to refrain from meat. Should vegans keep their veganism a secret? Should they not participate in one of the human race‘s greatest fascination of food and what kinds of things to do to it!

Should they not rejoice in the delight of talking to others about what they eat? I will say that I feel vegans do derive joy from sharing a discussion on their food choices with non vegans. But the way I feel about it is, if you have the stamina to maintain such a lifestyle, then you should by all means gloat about it.

Gloat away!

Obviously, treating vegans unfairly would be silly, we are all equals here and all have a right to their opinion. Democracy! Fraternity! Plus vegans need to get over it and the idea that you need other people to agree with your choices just like everybody else. If you want support with your issues, talk to other vegans.

You can’t change anyone’s mind with self-righteousness.

We came up with a list of things that prove we (as vegans (or aspiring vegans <–that one’s me) ) are right and others (devil meat eaters who are basically bad people) are wrong. Just in case some people out there are unclear, here it is:

1. It’s like those people that say the Holocaust never happened!

Seriously how many findings and long, arduous nutritional studies and experiments need to come out that confirm most of our known lifestyle diseases (heart disease, diabetes, cancer, the other one’s I don’t remember the name of… ) are perpetuated by consumption of processed and animal products before the general human population will actually believe that they are saying the truth and aren’t just neo-food-nazi propaganda fascist LIARS that are creating untrue stories for the benefit of sickly self-righteous deluded vegans.

These findings are real, truthful and sincere. It isn’t a farce. It isn’t made up. Where do I get protein from? Everywhere else. I could eat a leaf from a tree in the common and get protein from it (I don’t actually know if that’s true). Are we done with that question forever yet? Calcium? Do you even understand how many things have calcium in them? So many things have calcium in them… how much milk do you even drink?

2. It’s like those people that are like “I’m going to bikram yoga tomorrow! JKJKJKJKJK….”

Then there’s those out there that do recognize that these findings are true and this isn’t a huge ploy like that Al Gore guy who keeps talking about the planet MELTING?! (wtf right?)

… which actually narrows it down quite a bit: People who looooove being healthy but are addicted to opiates cheese (the whole cheese being addictive thing affects a lot of people… most of them think that’s a lie too) so they keep trying to be vegan but fail because their desires for animal products are too strong to battle their laziness and lack or originality/planning (I live in this category when I’m not being “vegan”. Or they haven’t read Skinny Bitch yet.

I have.

3. This is secretly the most important factor, don’t let number ranking fool you.

I don’t know that people really understand the benefits: You will look younger. That means you don’t need to save for plastic surgery when you’re rich and old! Your skin’s elasticity greatly improves. Basically every part of your physiology gets healthier (that’s why it cures all those deceases we mentioned in #1. Duh.).

Oh yeah. Being vegan makes you thin…

4. Death and Destruction.

The animals suffering thing… is kind of a factor. Considering how messed up that gets. Basically the cruelty rivals the treatment feuding African war torn nations inflect on each other. Which is pretty bad, in general. Actually, I would say it’s a combination of that and the Holocaust (again with the Holocaust…). It’s basically a dysfunctional, unsustainable, endlessly destructive tornado of suffering, chaos and inhumanity. Since we are doing these things to animals, I think people feel like it doesn’t count. But if you’re severing limbs, genitally mutilating and sexually mistreating (in the billions), does whether you do it to an animal or a person matter?

No. The answer is no.

And that’s because doing these things is fucked up in general.

And I mean I get it. I really do.

Who wants to worry about the animals? That’s heavy. Let’s not. I don’t want to think about the sad stories about animals suffering just like I don’t really want to talk about the horrors of Africa or Typhoon Haiyan or all the other things that are going on in the world that have nothing to do with me in any way because we aren’t all connected at all and my decisions don’t affect a global scale because I am so small and the world is so big! What butterfly flapped it’s wings where?

I didn’t feel a thing.

Friends not food. 


Spiritual Veganizm

15 Oct

sO I’ve been trying to get all zen about myself lately. I’ve been meditating. I’ve been dropping my attachments, my incessant need to please, my lifelong quest for undying approval and acceptance from others, the need for a sense of belonging and all the other things that aren’t so much a condition of being human as they are a byproduct.

Which. Has. Been. Great.

I really couldn’t be happier about it.

Obviously, my new found enlightenment is going to make some waves. I mean, the understanding, accommodating, yielding lamb I used to be is gone and replaced with this fearless, unapologetic, demanding, sort of wielding spirit. Plus the resentment people will feel for my newfound peace is just going to have to be something I live with. SIGH. It’s like being vegan.

Like spiritual veganism.

Anyway here are the top 10 things I’ve learned on my newfound 8fold path:

  1. I don’t have to feel angry about things that happen. Or sad. #dryyourtears
  2. If I do get angry, it means I have a problem and I need to get over it . Bitching, whining, complaining, blaming are all wiped out in the face of ultimate responsibility. This force isn’t so much a weight as it is a kind of energy source…#MIGHTYHULKBATMAN
  3. If I get over it, then I think about why I’m glad the original thing that made me angry is in my life. #lifelessons
  4. The idea is mostly about doing things you think are cool rather than having to deal with uncool situations. It’s kind of like when kids play when they’re in that imagination phase and then they have to deal with a harsh displeasing reality and they just find a way to distract themselves. #imnotphased
  5. Since you’re so busy living in the moment all the time and appreciating the bounty of gifts the universe is giving you at all times, there’s a lot of stress free lalalaing, which is like hallucinating. #duuuuuuude
  6. This means most of the day is spent interacting and doing things that naturally occur to you to do, which means most of the day is spent doing FuNStuFF #oratleastthingsyouhave”convinced”yourselfarefun
  7. You can find a way to not be miserable, but instead be happy, even in the most grueling tasks #marypoppins
  8. Most things people stress about are self induced and you realize that most people are sick and crazy, in one way or another, because they’ve been living their  whole lives taking cues from other people that are sick and crazy (their parents and teachers and stuff) because no one knows what’s going on and because people have no idea how to find peace. #idiotsjkjk
  9. I mean there is really so much to say. #brevity
  10. But also, employing awareness of how you act and what you say in all your interactions makes you realize how STUPID YOU ARE ALL THE TIME and you cant help but love yourself for it in the kind of way people think pugs are cute but really they’re horrifyingly ugly #crazyeyes

I’m fully open to the idea that this is a phase, which will pass, and it will just be a fun thing I did for a while (like yoga and being vegan). If I don’t keep it going very long and a few posts down you see an emotionally unsettling mess of garbage, you’ll know.

The whole world will know.

And if I succeed, you’ll know. That I am A WARRIOR.

And at least I will have gallantly tried to find salvation.



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