
I’ve been thinking a lot about this dichotomy between the life force and the destructive force. Eros and thanatos, if you will. Although that’s a little different but I don’t think it has to be. Basic principles. Fitting, on Valentine’s day to be talking about eros really, on a day where people are having anti-valentine’s day squirrel burning ceremonies. Or whatever FREAKS do.
I think Whitney Houston is also affecting me. The whole “so much vitality” thing. Generally, I think it takes a lot of work to instill this need to create within oneself. “Creating” might even just be as easy as getting out of bed in the morning and deciding you’re going to be productive, you’re going to do things that will cast a sheet of sunlight into your life, whatever that means.
For some people, that means waking up at 5 in the morning to put metal planks on their feet and hurl themselves down the side of a mountain. For me, it means walking around aimlessly for hours, letting the wind and the sounds of a crowded city block serve as my invisible hand. To each their own. Sometimes I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to see people that I know will make me feel happy, I don’t want to embody the life force. It’s hard and it takes effort and sometimes I just want to destroy.
And this idea of destruction can also inherently beautiful too. It makes way for the new, does away with the old things in your life that no longer serve you. It gives you the power and energy to execute something. Even when bringing something to completion, you’re destroying something. If it’s complete it loses its former life as a work in progress and it becomes a new entity that takes on a life of its own. And sometimes that life is more lonely than the “work in progress” part.
This might be why I hardly ever finish paintings. Maybe I can find somewhere to hang them once they’re done. Or get over the idea that the painting might feel “sad”…
Anyway I guess the life force could be synonymous with the divine spark. The rush of activity that goes in to make something happen. A new relationship, a new job, a new project, those moments when you really want to just do something and you do and it happens perfectly. Any time you’re in “the zone”. I love being in the zone. It’s so much fun, but again, it’s exhausting. And then you want to let it all go.
What a weight the life force brings with it.

How freeing and satisfying it feels to destroy.
It’s such a balancing act. Too much destruction turns you into Whitney Houston. Too much divine spark makes you, I don’t know, schizophrenic… Unless Whitney Houston was schizophrenic… though that might have been Diana Ross. Embracing the light rears Katy Perry post-divorce results. Have you listened to “Part of me”? My gosh!
I don’t even want to go into Katy Perry because I know that’s boring but I have to say that I love her, as I always have, and I am so proud of my girl!!
I felt so sad for her when I saw her at that awards show where she was dressed up as a Japanese doll with purple hair and a parasol. She looked sad, but you know, she was trying.
I wish I could end this post with a video of “Part of me”… but I can’t because it doesn’t exist yet.
Someone should channel some life force into making that happen, methinks.
Happy Valentine’s Day

Like this:
Like Loading...