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Yule RULEZ

17 Dec

Oh boy.

Am I excited for the holiday season this year. In many respects, this is a recessionary time for me, and probably many others.

A time when we zero in on the important, intimate, beautiful parts of life and enjoy them in exquisite solitude.

The way I’ve chosen to express this phenomenon is in photographic form. With photos of snowflakes!

I didn’t actually know snowflakes were visible with the naked eye. I thought you needed some sort of microscopic lens. My whole life. Until now.

Together, with regular sight and the magic of iSight, I was able to use technological advancement to capture these elusive yet plentiful gems. Observe:

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Death is all around us.

23 Oct

The garden is dying.

Have you ever had a salad made up, primarily, of tomatoes grown in your very own private garden? What about grapes, peppers, cucumbers (which actually didn’t fare well this year), spring unions, UNICORNS (that was just a little joke)

???

It’s taken me some time to really prepare emotionally for the coming of winter. And seeing the death and decay around me really brings it home.

Check it out!

Also, this has a lot to do with the 2014 Farmer’s Almanac which has an unsavory expectation for our impending DOOM winter.

Extra snow. Extra cold.

SIGH.

The only thing there is to do is get excited about Winter. And snow suits. Which I don’t think I can wear to work.

I mean I probably can…

It’s like they say, you know, don’t be sad it’s ending but be glad it happened.

#Notoverityet

One thing fall will bring which is extra awesome is a new phone that doesn’t whitewash breathtakingly beautiful pictures of things the second there’s natural light.  Apple thinks it’s cool to tell me I’ll get the thing I paid a lot of money for “sometime in October”, which means I’m taking it and patiently waiting because there’s no winning in the world of cell phones, service and features that are supposed to make your life easier.

If you’re considering going windows on all your technology like I did in one fell swoop, I would suggest reconsidering. That’s a strange phrase, “one fell swoop”–stranger than windows creating a phone that doesn’t take screen shots and DOES ruin all your pictures for no reason.

These ones didn’t come out too bad though.

High quality pictures of things to come!

Also you should really consider getting the Farmers Almanac. You know: get back to nature.  “Unplug and Tune In”. I’m pretty sure that’s something people are starting to say these days. Also, they didn’t pay me to say this. They don’t even know who I am. But I know who they are, and I fully endorse their excellent, witty, endlessly entertaining and informative publication, which you can get a taste of by going on their website.

http://www.farmersalmanac.com/

 “A WHOLE YEAR of forecasts?!”

Lolz.

Several Things:

26 Sep

First: I really wish I were psychic. Or that Cheaptickets.com would tell me the truth. What do you think discount flight companies mean when they say “Last day to buy at this price”? Is it:

“buy this today because tomorrow it WILL be more expensive”

Or

“buy this today because tomorrow it MAY be more expensive. Or not. Who knows!”

I’ve done some calculations and I think I have about a 40% chance of getting the flight at a cheaper price tomorrow. But 40 isn’t 100 is it.

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Second: I’m intrigued by PanAm. That new mad-menesque show that’s coming out. Or is out? It’s not about a 50s-60s fixation. And it certainly isn’t nostalgia; I wasn’t anywhere near even being conceived. It’s about the fine craftsmanship that the makers of these shows exhibit.

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Third: My morning glory plant is just now starting a major growth spurt. Leaving now will be seriously detrimental to it’s growth. I wish aqua globes actually worked. Or that I knew someone who would water my plants like they say they will when I go on vacation.

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Fourth: I’ve started investing some work into my paper crane curtain. I have about 25 cranes made out of discarded magazines! I must channel my inner Anthropologie, because really, who doesn’t love anthropologie? It’s an decorational inspiration to everyone. Examples of the kind of thing I’d like to achieve:

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Decay of Summer

21 Sep

I love fall. Unfortunately, this thing I love destroys months worth of summer labor.

My garden is freezing, which is sad for me.

I’ve decided to collect a few pictures of the loss and deterioration that’s ensuing. Though I’d rather not remember it this way.

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Basil has been planted everywhere. Everywhere.

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Various yellowing tomato plants.

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Kitty is taking in his last few breaths of verdant tranquility.

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He isn’t happy about it either.

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Grapes!

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Cucumber or squash. I can’t tell anymore.

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Apple Tree

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Selina Kyle? Catwoman? Anne Hathaway? Christopher Nolan?

11 Sep

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I have concerns for the new batman movie.

Mostly my concern is that it will be awful and that Anne Hathaway is a terrible choice for Catwoman. Does anyone even REMEMBER Michelle Pfeiffer? How can Hathaway ever fill those shoes? She may have been a great, vapid White Queen in Alice in Wonderland, but considering the talent she had to match for that film, I may venture as far as to say she was the best part of Alice!

But this is sacrilege.

Look at this photo of her on set as a totally conspicuous Selina Kyle!

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In comparison with:

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There is so much that I love about Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. Look at this nerdy Selina Kyle. She is a woman that has completely lost her self, her power. She is dying to unleash! Of course she’ll go on to fashion a leathery concoction in which to house her body and torment her male counterparts with! The woman looks desperate! Plus, she’s beautiful!

Now go look at Anne Hathaway again. There is nothing. Nothing.

And I’ll remark only briefly on Halle Berry: I wish that film had never been made.

Cats, Death, Sadness, Pain, God?

25 Jul

I like to think I’m practical much of the time.

I have bouts of irrationality frequently; my current life/economic/social structural model would be considered incredibly irrational by many of my peers. When it comes down to the big issues, I think I’m doing quite well for myself.

My cat’s going to die. At least, we think so. Here’s the problem: My family is taking it prett hard. Which is fine, people grieve in their own way and so forth. I, however, have been mentally preparing myself for the death of my cat since I got him in the sixth grade. He was a very spirited kitten. Overzealous, even. For a kitten. For the first month I had him, I thought he might have a kitty mental disability because he kept running and crashing into stationary objects. He continued his life with us not as a pet, but as an occasional visitor whom we fed. He often came home with various wounds from raccoons or other neighborhood cats. He’s forever been the problem step-child.

What I’d like to do is end Kitty’s pain. The rest of the family thinks that because his ailment has not yet had a bearing on his appetite, that it would be wrong to unnaturally end his death.

True.

I don’t even know how much pain he’s even in. He’s got a wound that can’t be healed. It’s times like this when I wish he and I could communicate verbally. I try to stare at him and hope his alpha brainwaves will pick up what I’m telepathically dishing out. Sometimes I think it works.

Other times, I’m not so sure.

This feels like Charolette’s Web all over again.

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The West, America, Urban Loving, Animals

24 Jul

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Really, I frequently think about what massive a country we live in and how little I know about what it all is. Flying over places like Nebraska and Kansas is terrifying. Huge crop circles. All corn. So huge there’s no doubt in my mind they have something to do with aliens. I had the pleasure of taking a domestic trip recently.

I stayed with a friend. Her family had ordered a half beef from Nebraska, which is a great deal of red meat. One particular night, we had a sirloin. A beef sirloin that had the elegance and tenderness of a filet. It was incredible.

My destination was western Colorado. Grand Junction. So many horses just hanging out in people’s backyards. None rideable. Open space. Lots of it. And while this may be liberating to so many and while I thoroughly enjoyed my time there, I realized that not living in a congested, urban area could kill me. The open space was suffocating. I kept thinking about what would happen to me if someone came up out of nowhere, shot me and left. No one would know for days. I had spotty service. The only way my remains might be discovered is months from the fact, when someone noticed that a patch of land was yielding uncharacteristically verdant grass. The result of my decomposing tissue fertilizing the ground.

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The great part was that I saw lizards, falcons, horses, hummingbirds, cows, sheep, bear carcass, deer carcass, a variety of wildcat hides, a siamese cat, a plethora of beautiful monarch butterflies and, one day during dinner, a mallard couple flew into my friends backyard and walked around ten feet away from us. For about twenty minutes. It was neat. And startling. Their public stroll was far too casual in comparison with the normal animal baseline behavior I’ve been assimilated to. It was such a quiet, graceful moment and they knew they were safe. Because what spiritual being could disrupt such a gift? They were almost daring me to throw my discarded olive pits at them. They knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t, obviously.

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Mountains: I used to think that people who went on and on about mountains were annoyingly granola. Now I understand.

1. It’s cool.
2. It looks like nothing else in the city.
3. It’s beautiful.
4. Imagining the force and weight of that giant landmass is impossibly challenging.
5. Being that high up sort of makes you feel inebriated or, at least, that it would be irresponsible to handle heavy machinery. Or a cellular telephone. Which I fumbled with a little bit.
6. It’s strange how horrifically mediocre the pictures of the mountains came out. Like a Bermuda triangle of BEAUTY– I didn’t know where it went. On camera, dull. Off camera, beautiful. Mountains aren’t photogenic it seems.

I’d like to try and see more of our country’s bountiful natural wonders. Next up: the Redwood forests, the Grand Canyon, the waves of Hawaii, that funny place where you can extend each limb and be in four states at once, glaciers of Alaska, Mount Rushmore and any horse riding place. I’m sure there are more impressive things out there but if I experience the aforementioned, then that’s a pretty good run.

What I will travel great distances for again is another steak like that Nebraska steak. I’ll dream of that for years. Years. I think I wish I never had it. Every piece of steak I’ve had so far since this trip has been a huge letdown.

I now feel the true depth of Flowers for Algernon.

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