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Spiritual Veganizm

15 Oct

sO I’ve been trying to get all zen about myself lately. I’ve been meditating. I’ve been dropping my attachments, my incessant need to please, my lifelong quest for undying approval and acceptance from others, the need for a sense of belonging and all the other things that aren’t so much a condition of being human as they are a byproduct.

Which. Has. Been. Great.

I really couldn’t be happier about it.

Obviously, my new found enlightenment is going to make some waves. I mean, the understanding, accommodating, yielding lamb I used to be is gone and replaced with this fearless, unapologetic, demanding, sort of wielding spirit. Plus the resentment people will feel for my newfound peace is just going to have to be something I live with. SIGH. It’s like being vegan.

Like spiritual veganism.

Anyway here are the top 10 things I’ve learned on my newfound 8fold path:

  1. I don’t have to feel angry about things that happen. Or sad. #dryyourtears
  2. If I do get angry, it means I have a problem and I need to get over it . Bitching, whining, complaining, blaming are all wiped out in the face of ultimate responsibility. This force isn’t so much a weight as it is a kind of energy source…#MIGHTYHULKBATMAN
  3. If I get over it, then I think about why I’m glad the original thing that made me angry is in my life. #lifelessons
  4. The idea is mostly about doing things you think are cool rather than having to deal with uncool situations. It’s kind of like when kids play when they’re in that imagination phase and then they have to deal with a harsh displeasing reality and they just find a way to distract themselves. #imnotphased
  5. Since you’re so busy living in the moment all the time and appreciating the bounty of gifts the universe is giving you at all times, there’s a lot of stress free lalalaing, which is like hallucinating. #duuuuuuude
  6. This means most of the day is spent interacting and doing things that naturally occur to you to do, which means most of the day is spent doing FuNStuFF #oratleastthingsyouhave”convinced”yourselfarefun
  7. You can find a way to not be miserable, but instead be happy, even in the most grueling tasks #marypoppins
  8. Most things people stress about are self induced and you realize that most people are sick and crazy, in one way or another, because they’ve been living their  whole lives taking cues from other people that are sick and crazy (their parents and teachers and stuff) because no one knows what’s going on and because people have no idea how to find peace. #idiotsjkjk
  9. I mean there is really so much to say. #brevity
  10. But also, employing awareness of how you act and what you say in all your interactions makes you realize how STUPID YOU ARE ALL THE TIME and you cant help but love yourself for it in the kind of way people think pugs are cute but really they’re horrifyingly ugly #crazyeyes

I’m fully open to the idea that this is a phase, which will pass, and it will just be a fun thing I did for a while (like yoga and being vegan). If I don’t keep it going very long and a few posts down you see an emotionally unsettling mess of garbage, you’ll know.

The whole world will know.

And if I succeed, you’ll know. That I am A WARRIOR.

And at least I will have gallantly tried to find salvation.

WOOPWOOP

#dreamer

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Several Things:

26 Sep

First: I really wish I were psychic. Or that Cheaptickets.com would tell me the truth. What do you think discount flight companies mean when they say “Last day to buy at this price”? Is it:

“buy this today because tomorrow it WILL be more expensive”

Or

“buy this today because tomorrow it MAY be more expensive. Or not. Who knows!”

I’ve done some calculations and I think I have about a 40% chance of getting the flight at a cheaper price tomorrow. But 40 isn’t 100 is it.

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Second: I’m intrigued by PanAm. That new mad-menesque show that’s coming out. Or is out? It’s not about a 50s-60s fixation. And it certainly isn’t nostalgia; I wasn’t anywhere near even being conceived. It’s about the fine craftsmanship that the makers of these shows exhibit.

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Third: My morning glory plant is just now starting a major growth spurt. Leaving now will be seriously detrimental to it’s growth. I wish aqua globes actually worked. Or that I knew someone who would water my plants like they say they will when I go on vacation.

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Fourth: I’ve started investing some work into my paper crane curtain. I have about 25 cranes made out of discarded magazines! I must channel my inner Anthropologie, because really, who doesn’t love anthropologie? It’s an decorational inspiration to everyone. Examples of the kind of thing I’d like to achieve:

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Stained Glass. The end of an era. #26 of Bucket List!

18 Sep

I feel emancipated.

I’ve had my stained glass project from high school in my basement for the past 6 years. I was very excited to finish this in high school. I was the first person in my class to choose my pieces of glass, cut/saw them and copper foil them. It was like the rabbit and the hare. I did everything as quickly as I could and then decided to either read magazines in art class or just not go until the remainder of the year, assuming I had tons of time for bringing my project to completion. I had the most ambitious project. Everyone else did one thing. A flower. A bird. A Boston Red Sox emblem. I made an entire seaside landscape. I was a senior and things had spiraled out of control and I ended the year promising my high school art teacher that I would come back the week after school had officially closed and she said that she would still be at school busy with administrative work and that I could. I never went back.

I knew I was making a mistake then and that I would regret not going. I regretted it all the way until now and I never did anything about it. It didn’t keep me up at night in a panic, but during the past six years, anytime I stopped to think about whatever I had to do, I would always be reminded of finishing my stained glass project. I decided to call up the high school because I saw a flier for adult classes at the cafe. Here’s how that went:

Me: Hi! I was just interested in your adult stained glass class, am I calling the right person?
Lady: What stained glass class.
Me: Oh… I thought there was one at the high school…
Lady: UHHHHHHHHHH letmecheck.

Hold for ten minutes

Lady: OKAY that used to be a program we offered but the last class ended in May and we are currently not offering it indefinitely.
Me: Well is Ms. Walsh still at the high school? Do they still offer it for the normal curriculum

I dont know why I even said this. Like I was going to sneak into the high school and join a high school class in efforts of coercing Ms. Walsh (my former teacher) into not reporting my presence to anyone.

Lady: No she’s not at the high school anymore.
Me: Well, I guess I should explain my situation to you then. See, I was a 2006 graduate and I (nervous chuckle), well I had a stained glass project that I’d like to finish and it seems I have some time in my, uh, schedule–I mean not a lot of time but well I-(I started to trail off here and was just anticipating her interruption, something like “oh wow, how neat! Well let me see what we can do for you!” as she diligently went off to be helpful. Instead she was silent.)- well I guess that’s it.
Lady: (silence)
Me: This must sound so silly.
Lady: Well. Ms. Walsh isn’t at the high school anymore, I’m not sure what else we can do for ya.
Me: Who teaches stained glass now?
Lady: Nobody.
Me: What do you mean.
Lady: Stained glass isn’t being taught.
Me: WHY?!
Lady: No one’s taking it!

Then I thanked her for her time and went online to watch tuturials on stained glass. Then I kept thinking about where I could go to use some stained glass making facility. I consulted a few friends about it. My friend Sean told me I could just buy a soldering iron but that sounded much too complicated so I immediately disregarded the suggestion and continued wallowing about it, because, where could you even FIND this stuff.

I went online.
Looked up “soldering iron” in google.
Clicked on “I’m feeling lucky” for the first time ever.
The page that came up was RADIO SHACK. SOLDERING IRON. $8.99.
There’s a radio shack down the street from my house.

I finished it! Finally after all this time!

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I love it as much today as I did when I first created it.

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Tools. Plexiglas.

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I had to make these dollops so they would hold the pieces together for me.

Being able to control metal is incredible. This is why Magneto is the coolest X-Men character.

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I got a new little table for my room from a man on craigslist and painted it blue in between the time I started and ended this project. It’s actually a file cabinet! But it’s wooden.

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I added a little hanger for it. I was unsure about it holding the weight but I pulled on it as hard as I could and it’s still intact.

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DONE.

I think I have aptitude for stained glass.
That’s one I can cross off my bucket list.

Dream Board and the Universe, Part 2

10 Sep

A little while ago I made a post about dream boards. I’m almost done with them!

My life has sort of come to a standstill during the course of the past month. I’ve needed to find the time to do various paperwork, logistical errand running, assisting, craigslist furniture scouting and delivering, used car buying, apartment hunting and school registration. All for various family members. The only time I’ve had for myself has been spent wining and dining with friends. Because I DESERVE IT.

Unfortunately I also haven’t had much time to actually realize my dreams because it’s time consuming. Actively taking steps to apply or interview for a job, let’s say, or making sure I don’t leave the house looking horrifying so as to attract a mate, lets say, or taking walks around Beacon Hill wondering why the occupants of various apartment/mansions are still covering those gorgeous bay windows in outdated 80s fan curtains and thinking about how beautifully it would be decorated if it were mine… I’ve been distracted. From doing the aforementioned things, which were really high on the list before I was bombarded by everyone I know for help because I’m “not doing anything”.

Which is untrue. I am engaged in a period of tremendous growth and rejuvenation, I’m getting back into my SELF. I started yoga, I’ve been baking and cooking a lot more, I started knitting! I did a cost-benefit on my daily dream-reaching activities and I’ve decided that, for the short term, dream boards would be enough. Aligning the power of my unconscious mind and the universe while I complete my ever expanding altruistic tasks seems to be the most viable option.

After all this is done, I’m giving myself a financially unwise vacation that will foster more soul searching and fun times so that I will return feeling guiltier than I ever have so I can start getting my life back in order.

The dream boards are like a blue print. For my preferred life.

This is my progress:

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A huge minus with dream boards is that you, or, more appropriately, I, can only really use fashion magazines. You’re supposed to use phrases, words and images that ‘speak” to you, which I did. I do know that things like this are ridiculous, and if you do too, don’t harp on this. It’s just our logical minds interpreting what they see before us as a schizophrenic episode. What makes this okay is that it’s an exercise that allows us to use our feminine minds. It’s emotional. And sensory.

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This one is a work in progress. I’ve decided to do these in layers. Pretty, desirable page-length foundational backgrounds are laid on first until they cover the entire board. Then smaller images, then more smaller images, then even smaller images, then words. Or logos and insignias.

I decided to divide the boards into love, career and lifestyle categories.

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In five years, or whenever, I’ll be really really fashionable, have several houses in various exotic locations and a loft in a high rise in midtown, I’ll be an executive, I’ll travel a lot, I’ll have a lot of trousers and loafers with tassels on them and gorgeous purses, a husband that is incredibly attractive, I’ll have children and a bicycle with a woven basket.

And there it is.

Dream Board and the Universe, Part 1

8 Aug

Do you have too many old magazines!?

Do you wish there was something you could do with them that’s fun for you and your friends?

DREAM BOARDS

There’s been a lot of talk about dream boards lately. The idea is: you rip out phrases and images from magazines and gluestick them all onto a board that has a picture of yourself in the center. It’s like teenage witchcraft, yes, but, as far as that goes, it could be worse. I could be dying strings of my hair hot pink. Or playing with an Ouiji board.

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Considering most of the magazines I have in my possession are Condé Nast publications, much of the content was repetitive. I wish I could remember most of my dreams and I hardly ever do. This sort of haphazard dip into ones subconscious is so easing, curious to look at months, years later. It’s a bit like dreaming actually… You’re scrapping to find images that you can use to somehow convey an idea, a thought or feeling. Then, it builds to a dream or wish to the universe! From what I gather, they have a way of eerily manifesting methodically, unsuspectingly.

I was originally going to do one but I’ve got four major categories going:

1. Love and life partner kind of stuff
2. Work/Career stuff
3. Lifestyle/Travel stuff
4. Home/Family/Friends stuff

So I think I’ll do four.

Then I thought about how funny it would be that if, years from now, I saw these boards exerting their quiet influence, I would hang them up somewhere. All four of them and it would be a little dedication to my incredible foresight.

The Universe will FIND A WAY.

Death and Glory. And deadlines.

30 Jul

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When I was 15, my friend Jessica and I decided we would make lists of things we’d like to do before we died. I really wish I had taken better care of that because I think I’ve done about half the list already! It’s actually on my livejournal, I just haven’t written in that in so long that I forget my log in, my username and even the email address I had used. I had a hand written copy but that’s even more far gone than the electronic copy.

I’ve decided to write another. Everyone else should too. Even if you’re having a really bad day, at least you can refer to the list for either an ego boost or a motivator. A little push always does you good. Plus it’s fun to think about what kinds of stuff you actually want.

I’ve organized them into sections after I made the list. Somehow I have 102… I can’t find the discrepancies.

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TRAVEL!

1. Live in a foreign country for either one year or for extended periods of time that amount to one year.
13. Bali, not because of Eat Pray Love but because my friend Misty went a few months ago and said all the right things. Plus it just seems nice.
14. Hawaii. This one is feasible, my other friend Ruta is going to Hawaii on a yoga retreat to get her yogi certificate (or whatever you get…)
15. Los Angeles. I have so many neon colored things that it would be nice to put them to use. If only for a weekend.
22. Disney World.
23. Go to the mud baths of Delphi. At least I think it’s Delphi…
24. Tanzania.
25. London for an extended period of time.
32. San Fran.
33. Sarah Palin’s Alaska.
34. Brazi.
35. Argentina.
35.5. Bolivia
36. Montreal.
36.5. Mexico city.
37. New York for an extended period of time.
56. New Orleans for Mardi Gras.
57. Love Parade in Berlin.
58. Amsterdam.
63. Costa rica.
64. New Zealand.
65. Have a meal at underwater restaurant Ithaa when I visit the Maldives.
66. Japan
67. Crete.
68. Thailand
69. Amazonian rain forest.
70. Visit hot springs that I can swim in during the winter. Iceland?
71. Bora Bora.
72. See the libraries of Alexandria in Egypt. And the sphinx.
73. Swim in the dead sea.
74. Norway. Try to see some Christian extremists.
75. India- Sri Lanka

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ACTIVITIES!

2. Learn to sail. Be good at it.
3. Make a dress for myself.
7. Get to a place where I can do handstands and scorpion pose in yoga.
8. Keep my own garden.
9. Paint things that I’d like to hang in my apartment.
18. Maintain lots and lots of photo albums.
19. Live in a loft.
21. Go on a hot air balloon ride from Boston Common.
26. Finish my stained glass project I still have in my basement from senior year of high school.
27. Finish my book in what will be the next great American novel.
28. Bungee jump.
29. Paraglide.
30. Ride an elephant.
31. Ride a horse.
38. Go on one of those incredibly indulgent all inclusive resorts.
39. Go snorkeling.
40. Go diving. With a very capable, trained attendant.
42. Go skydiving with a very capable and trained attendant.
43. Help make a film.
45. Find places to wear my fox bolero.
47. Fly first class.
48. Donate blood.
49. Shower in a waterfall.
50. Jump off a really really high rock into water. In an exotic location.
51. Learn to make my own bread.
52. Go to the opera.
59. Make pottery Dr. Seuss style.
60. Have a collection of Dr. Seuss books.
61. Have a library of all my favorite books and films.
62. Acquire a collection of very beautiful antique pieces.
63. Make a curtain or origami pieces.
64. Make my own beer.
66. Go to an Indian wedding and wear a Sari.
75. Record an album. On GarageBand…
80. Go skiing.
86. Get called in for jury duty.
90. Learn to drive stick.
91. Cook Thanksgiving dinner.
97. Take a road trip with friends.
98. Be on the board of an important societal group.
99. Be part of a badminton group.

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MONEY CAN BUY… !

4. Purchase an expensive ring for myself when I turn 25. Hopefully I’ll have done something reputable by then and the purchase will actually mean something.
5. Purchase my own apartment. With a balcony.
6. Get another scooter.
10. Get a doberman.
16. Get more pieces for my Alice in Wonderland tea set.
17. Get an apartment in Greece. With a balcony.
54. Get a really pretty bird that will live in the greenhouse.
55. Get a greenhouse.
79. Acquire a collection of really great quality work clothes.
82. Buy the order for the guy behind me at either a toll or a drive through.
83. Donate $1,000 to an organization I feel strongly about. You know, if I want to.
84. Get laser eye surgery.
85. Purchase an expensive piece of jewelry or handbag for myself when I reach an important career objective.
95. Pay off student loans.
96. Buy myself a car that’s really fun to drive.

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EMOTIONAL!

11. Find someone to love that’s better than the last person.
12. Have a child, maybe two.
20. Live with a man.
22. Go to Disney World.
41. Find someone who will do the tandem bungee jumping with me.
42. Be proposed to in a really nice way.
43. Become my cousin’s daughter’s godmother.
44. Baptize more children!
46. Create a house of plants. So that it looks like a glorious art installation.
53. Adopt a pet from an animal shelter.
68. Have a wedding celebration of some kind.
76. Start my own company.
77. Become someone’s boss.
78. Work for a company I feel connected to. Beyond the fact that they pay me…
81. Reach dharma. Yeah I know what that means.
87. Plan a surprise party for someone I love.
88. Be someone’s maid of honor. Or best maid…?
89. Give a toast at an important function.
92. Have the kind of place people drop by in every day.
93. Have the kind of place I can host weekly dinner parties in.
94. Be published in a publication of some sort for something.
100. Develop my own Daily Practice.

Seriously just do one. It’s kind of silly. I get that. Just do it, it’ll feed your soul. You’ll forget about it, but put it somewhere where you’ll find it years later and you’ll realize you’ve done more than you thought! And that’s always nice.

Dam Dam Dam Dam Da-Da Da-Da Da Dam.

19 Nov

Feelings can sometimes be so overpowering, they are stronger than my greater self. In the grand words of Einsein:

A human being is a part of a whole, called by us “universe”, a part limited in time and space He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest…a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness…

With that said, I am considering a trip to Amsterdam. This isn’t to fulfil some long withstanding dream of legal sedation. I just think its adorable.

I suppose I can blame Slate for this, an article by Jessica Olien painted a lovely picture of Dutch women:

The Dutch women around me take a lackadaisical approach to their careers. They work half days, meet their friends for coffee at 2 p.m., and pity their male colleagues who are stuck in the office all day…Less than 4 percent of women wish they had more working hours or increased responsibility in the workplace, and most refuse extended hours even when the opportunity for advancement arises.

Okay! If I didn’t live in the U.S., I wouldn’t work very much either! Why would I if my friends were all waiting for me at the cafe? I wouldn’t need to write this blog if I could talk about the things I wanted to at the same time every day! I’ve only been part of the 9-5 labor force for about a year now and I have to say, I don’t necessarily like where this is going. I’ve already gotten two raises. Got a bigger desk and more responsibility, but I see that my propensity for contentment is decreasing as my income and material compensation increase.

It’s hard not to wonder: Have we gotten it all wrong? In the United States, the race for equality has gone mostly in one direction. Women want to shatter the glass ceiling, reach the top spots in the hierarchy, and earn the same respect and salaries as men do. But perhaps this situation is setting us up for a world in which none of us is having any fun. After all, studies of female happiness in the U.S. find that even as our options have increased and we have become financially more independent than in any previous time in our history, American women as a whole are not getting any happier. If anything, the studies show that we are emotionally less well-off than we were before. Wasn’t the whole point of the fight for equality in the workplace to improve our wellbeing?

Going to an all girls school has beaten any inclination to protect women’s rights RIGHT out of me. You would think it should do the opposite…

Anyway, the Netherlands is where its at.

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